Impartial Observer: How I came to believe that Lily Allen is Not Big

I never used to listen to the words of songs - I just enjoyed the tunes and the sound of people’s voices. In the past year, Jo has brought the words to my attention on many occasions, and now I tend to subconsciously pick up on lyrics rather than having to listen intently. It was about 6 months ago or so that I listened to the words of Lily Allen’s “Not Big” and fell out of love with her. I love her voice, accent and tone. I love the songs.

The words to “Not Big”, however, portray her as an inauthentic, self-entitled woman who uses passive aggression to retaliate against a man whom she lied to for a year and a half. Does she want to come across as some kind of hero because she put up with him despite the fact he couldn’t please her sexually? She says she should have ended it when he couldn’t get it up. Why didn’t she? What was she trying to prove? How can she realistically expect him to have addressed an issue that she hadn’t made him aware of. And now she intends to work her way through his friends in order to make him feel like shit? I mean really, is that okay with people?

So why impartial observer? Just writing that last paragraph brought up feelings of rage, anger and disdain. In the last 6 months when I’ve heard that song I’ve put myself in the place of the bloke, felt like the victim.

This morning as Jo was driving in, the song came on again, and my initial reaction of rage came back, but I quickly observed and disarmed it and accepted the song was playing and went with it. I felt, more so than before, the energy of anger coming from her. The next song I heard was “Friday Night”. More self-entitlement and anger. Add judgement. Hell, even the album’s called “It’s not me, it’s you.” I’m listening to the words and smiling to myself, noticing my emotions, using them to guide my thoughts at the time, but not allowing them to take hold of me. I also feel for those people who take Lily’s lyrics as advice on how to live their lives.

And now I think to myself; that bloke, the one she thinks ain’t big, he ain’t the victim, he’s shot of her now, and I hope he finds a woman who respects him, is open and honest with him and doesn’t resort to manipulation and passive aggression.

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